Chances are, you’ve found yourself in this scenario before: engaging in a conversation with someone you’re not too familiar with, and in an attempt to get to know you better, they inquire about your preferred movie or book.
Chances are, you’re now faced with the task of pondering which movie or book to choose. After all, there are numerous exceptional options you can enjoy, making it difficult to choose just one. In addition, there are various preferences. There is the one that’s truly remarkable, the one that brings joy, the one that motivates you, and so on.
Here’s a great example that demonstrates this concept:
“I always hate it when someone asks me, “What’s your favorite book?” since I never quite know what to say. I have so many books that I love, many of which are in wildly diverse categories. I usually end up telling them that I don’t have a single favorite book, or even a category.”
From a discussion on Reddit
That’s why asking about personal preferences in conversations is usually not a good idea. Fortunately, you have the ability to adjust these questions slightly in order to make them more enjoyable and engaging for individuals to respond to, as we will explore shortly.
The power of ‘lately’
One way to enhance the questions you ask others is by incorporating the word ‘lately’. For instance, instead of inquiring about individuals’ preferred films, inquire about a recent movie they enjoyed.
There are several reasons why this makes your question easier to answer:
- It limits the range of choices available to them.
- It diminishes the importance of their decision, alleviating some of the pressure.
- It directs their thoughts towards recent experiences, which are more memorable for individuals.
Additionally, using ‘lately’ can create a more relaxed and informal tone in your conversation, making it feel less formal and structured. This also helps you differentiate yourself and create a favorable impression, as many individuals tend to stick with the standard “favorite X” questions, even though they are often ineffective.
Keep in mind that you have the option to replace ‘lately’ with similar alternatives like’recently’. The objective remains unchanged: simplifying the question’s answerability by focusing on a recent personal experience of the other person.
However, it’s important to use language that allows the other person to determine the timeframe themselves. It is generally advisable to refrain from inquiring about specific time frames, as it can unnecessarily limit the other person’s response.
Generally, it is advisable to use language that is as inclusive as possible. Encourage others by providing an engaging prompt and allowing them to share their thoughts. Allow individuals to freely share their preferred experiences without imposing unnecessary restrictions on their selection process.
Additional types of insightful personal inquiries
There are alternative methods to adjust personal questions that you ask, making them more enjoyable and accessible for people to respond to. All these options are centered on a common theme, as we discussed earlier, which is to avoid requesting a single, definitive answer from the other person. For instance, there are two questions that you could pose to someone:
- What book do you enjoy reading the most?
- Which movie brought you the most laughter?
Just like adding ‘lately’, incorporating these variations can make your question sound more like a casual conversation than an interview.
Keep in mind that you have the option to include the word ‘lately’ in these types of questions if desired.
- What book have you found particularly enjoyable to read recently?
- What recent movie has brought laughter to your life?
Keep in mind that there are always exceptions
There isn’t a definitive answer to which question is the most effective to ask. The preferences of the person, the nature of your relationship, and the overall context of your conversation all have an impact on a question’s effectiveness.
While it’s usually better to ask broad questions about recent events, there are times when it’s appropriate to make your question more specific. For instance, when conversing with someone who recently returned from a foreign country, it is completely appropriate to inquire about their experiences during their time there.
When inquiring about personal matters, keep in mind that incorporating recent events can enhance your questions. However, it’s important to consider the specific context in order to ask the most appropriate question. Therefore, it is important to carefully evaluate the situation and adapt your approach accordingly, without hesitation.
Summary and conclusions
- Many individuals find it challenging to select a single, definitive answer when asked about their preferred choice among various options, such as “What’s your favorite X?”.
- As a result, you can enhance the quality of the questions you ask by inquiring about recent personal experiences. For example, you could ask someone about a great movie they recently watched or an intriguing book they recently read. By incorporating these types of questions, the conversation can flow more smoothly and prevent the other person from feeling like they are being interrogated.
- There are additional adjustments you can make to your questions to enhance their quality and make them more engaging to respond to. For instance, you can inquire about individuals’ preferred books or ones that brought them joy.
- It is generally recommended to use language that is inclusive and allows for easy sharing of desired information.
- Keep in mind that the most suitable type of question to ask will vary depending on several factors, such as the other person’s preferences and the context of your conversation. It is important to carefully consider the situation and adapt your questioning strategy accordingly.
